Monday, February 18, 2013

Surprises can be both good and bad

December 10th 2011
My wedding day in Vegas with the love of my life, Daniel. It was a 2nd wedding for the both of us and as we matured in life, we realized the only thing that ever mattered in our love, was the two of us. So we hopped on a flight to Vegas and made it official after only a few months of dating, after my recent divorce from my first husband and after Dan's 8th grade crush on me that carried on...21 years later. A majical day for the two of us. We hoped to start a family soon (within a few months) and live our happily ever after.

December 31st, 2011
I'm pregnant! I'm scared. The test is positive. I'm at work. So much for our plans for New Year's Eve because I'm now not drinking. I don't know if I should throw up, cry, be happy, be scared...this is what I've always wanted...but WOW, so quick! I race home and put the test into a box & give it to my husband as a gift...he's just as shocked. We are both happy, but extremely I cry.

January 1st 2012
My husband decides to tell everyone in his immediate family and then proceeds to tell mine (with me present of course). Everyone is overjoyed...and equally shocked.

January 6th, 2012
Morning sickness begins with a vengeance. I belch, I feel so sick, I'm soooo tired I can barely drive home most days. When I do get home from work, I'm done for the night and unable to accomplish laundry, no dishes, I'm so tired I have to force myself to bathe!
the nausea is all day, but worse at night...Why do they call this "morning sickness?"

January 9th, 2012
First blood test at my primary care doctor's office...CONFIRMED...yes, I am pregnant and my beta levels are pretty high...good sign. I'm put on an Iron supplement because my hemoglobin levels are low at this point (as if having a bowel movement weren't difficult being pregnant already, add iron & now I don't think I'll ever poop)...the "morning sickness" & fatigue continues...Horrible!

February 1st, 2012
I can't fit in hardly any of my clothes and 'm only in my first trimester. My first OB/GYN appointment isn't until February 15th (I should be about 11 weeks by then). EVEN MY SCRUBS ARE TIGHT! I'm quite sure I'm starting to "show" at this point, but everyone else says it is just gas and bloating. I must be really bloated and need to have a bowel movement...the Iron supplement isn't helping matters.

February 11th, 2012
OK, I really am not fitting into any of my clothes and my stomach looks like there is a baby in there...not kidding! I have my husband take a picture, but he still shrugs it off and tells me that "all of his friends felt the same way and it was probably just bloating". (I was thinking 'bloating my @$$'). Morning sickness is getting better...almost gone! I am starting to have more energy again and actually feel "GOOD". Went bowling with my husband, his brother and brother's wife. First night I've felt up to a date night in a while.

February 14th, 2012
Our first Valentine's day as a married couple! What a great day. Dan made me dinner, bought me flowers and we finished the night with some intimate relations. I was feeling so poorly recently that sex took a back seat, but this night was a good nausea, no fatigue...moving forward.

February 15th, 2012
Our first OB/GYN appointment!!! The labyrinth of paperwork, the long wait in the waiting room, the building excitement. We were called back, my blood pressure taken, my weight, my history. The doctor came in, calculated my possible due date with my last period and had me lay down with my pants at my low hips. He took out a doppler and began to listen. The excitement built as we awaited our baby's heartbeat...I hear mine, but nothing else. He tries for a few minutes, shrugs it off and has us go down the hall for an ultrasound after telling us "he hasn't heard anything with the doppler on any of his patients today, and not to worry". We are escorted to the ultrasound room and the tech almost immediately begins with a trans-vaginal ultrasound. Then I see it, or should I say...I see them! HOLY CRAP...THERE ARE TWO BABIES! My husband sees it too and asks the tech about it. She says the two most shocking and devastating phrases I have ever heard in my life...
"Yes, there are twins...but I'm sorry, I'm not able to see a heartbeat in either of them."
In seconds, my own heart was destroyed...
I not only wept with my husband, I hyperventilated, I choked, I was crushed, in that world ended, my hopes shattered, my faith tested.

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